Friday, June 5, 2015

24 December 2072

24 December 2072
Bobby Derie

Mihoshi Oni landed ass-first on a plastic ork Santa Claus in a sleigh, crushing the smiling tusked figure of St. Nick and knocking over his reindeer-drones. Three gnomes in bright green flak vests, bell-tipped pointy hats and shoes jingling, rushed the fallen troll. Seattle's prettiest troll lay sprawled in the sleigh, growled, and let loose with a long-legged kick that bent the leading gnome double. The solid crack of the gnome's breaking hip was almost as enjoyable as seeing the tiny figure fall into his two compatriots.

Mihoshi rolled off the remnants of the lawn decoration and onto her knees just as the other two gnomes came back to try their luck again, wielding what looked for all the world like two-foot candy canes. One massive hand grabbed the string of lights and pulled; the first gnome had the foresight to duck but the second one caught a reindeer-drone upside his head as the shadowrunner whipped Comet, Donner, and Blitzen at head-height for her miniature assailants.

The attacking gnome swung the candy cane two-handed over his head at the troll; Mihoshi caught it on her left arm and scooped her right hand up to catch the holiday hooligan in the crotch, lifting the gnome off the ground a couple centimeters. Still holding on to the cane, the gnome's eyes scanned down to the critical placement of her massive thumb, then back at her face. Mihoshi grinned as he shook his head, then squeezed. His scream went through three octaves before he blacked out.

Steadying herself on a goblin nativity scene - Why are the three wisemen always hobgoblins? - Mihoshi was just able to regain her feet on the slippery snow just as she saw the female elf with a star-topped wand wound with green and red ribbons. The fomori jumped backwards, slamming against-and then through-the glass of the window just as a blast of ice and snow annihilated the rest of the lawn decorations. Mihoshi landed on her back in front of the tree, bleeding from dozens of cuts. The elf stuck her head through the window, red pointy hat still set on her head. Sadly, the thing that Mihoshi noticed was that each perfect fingernails pointing the wand on her had a snowflake attached to it.

The iceball that slammed into the side of the elf's face caught them both by surprise, but Mihoshi recovered first, performing an energetic and slightly off-balance kip-up that left her staggering toward the broken window. The elf was cursing and pointing her wand at somebody outside when a snowshovel crunched down on her head; Mihoshi smiled at the descending chin as her left fist came up to a beautiful uppercut. The elf sprayed teeth fragments as she slumped over unconscious.

Mihoshi stretched and caught her breath as a collection of feet trudged through the sorcerous ice and natural snow to the front door. Looking around at the mess she'd made - and through the broken window to the icy desolation of the front lawn - the shadowrunner felt like a bit of a heel. Almost absentmindedly Mihoshi noticed the mistletoe above the door, and had an idea.

When the door opened, it was the father - a troll - still holding the snowshovel like he was afraid he'd have to use it. Mihoshi pulled him under the mistletoe and made his toes curl, her right hand stuffing a credstick down the front of his pants. Mihoshi released him with a smack.
"Thanks handsome. Sorry for the mess." The fomori said as she pushed him carefully aside.

In the doorway was a troll boy - six or seven by his size. Mihoshi reached into the back of her pants and pulled out her Ares Predator III, ejected the clip, and pressed it in the kid's hands.
"Merry Christmas." She said, picking the boy up and handing him to his shocked father.

A final figure stepped in front of her, blocking the doorway. An ork, the mother most likely, who was built like a linebacker for the Seattle Seahawks. Mihoshi stood there for a minute as the mother took in the damage to the house, the lipstick on her husband's mouth and the credstick sticking out of his pants, the shiny pistol in her son's hands, the steady dying moan from the elf outside the window, and Mihoshi herself. The last thing she did was look significantly at the mistletoe she was standing under.

Mihoshi shrugged, then grabbed the back of her head and brought the ork into a tilt for a long, long kiss.

The little troll boy waved at Mihoshi as she dragged the elf mage and her gnomes away. Merry Christmas, Seattle.

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