Showing posts with label One-Act Play. Show all posts
Showing posts with label One-Act Play. Show all posts

Friday, November 11, 2011

Nights in August


Nights in August
by
Bobby Derie
Dramatis Personae
Winter (An older gentleman)
Lemar (A young soldier)
Alexandra (A young woman)
Scene
[The Curtain rises on a small table, set with a simple meal, two plates, two forks, two chairs side by side and one knife.]
[Winter and Lemar sit at the table, eating. They take turns using the knife, which is between them, but never pass it directly between each other.]
[Winter sets the knife down. Lemar picks it up.]
LEMAR.
How did it start?
[Winter wipes his lips with a napkin.]
WINTER.
When you left, she would come around after school, just for the company. I would read your letters out loud, or some of my poetry, and she would lay her head on my breast, and we would remember you that way. Talking for hours. The good times, when you were sixteen and she a blushing fourteen undressing you with her eyes; when you used to come by to wash the car, or beg a book from my library. You remember how you used to sit there on the wide window-ledge, catching the dying sunlight on the page, your hair a blazing halo…and she got horny. Horny and lonely. We both were.
LEMAR.
Does she know about…us?
WINTER.
Not unless you have told her. You know I’ve always been very discreet about that.
LEMAR.
No, of course not. I don’t know that it would make any difference, now. I meant what I said, in the last letter.
WINTER.
You had a bitterness upon you, then. I thought you might have shucked it.
LEMAR.
No. Not really. Not since you fucked her.
[Lemar looks down at his hand, still holding the knife, then sets it down.]
[Winter exhales, coughs a little.]
WINTER.
I never meant for it to become serious. I never meant for it at all. But she had nothing to fill her and I…well, you know I missed you too, that way. Our needs fell together. Afterwards, I thought we should discuss it, but she seemed content to…just carry on like that, for a while, like it was the most natural thing in the world.
LEMAR.
Thank you.
WINTER.
For what?
LEMAR.
For not lying to me. Not giving me some corny line of shit like you were just keeping her warm for me.
WINTER.
I lie for a living, but always to strangers. Never to friends or lovers.
LEMAR.
So I guess the question is, what do we do now?
WINTER.
Have you broken the engagement?
LEMAR.
No. Not yet. Wanted to talk with you first. Work this out.
WINTER.
Will you still marry her?
LEMAR.
If she’d have me. Would you?
WINTER.
Yes, now that she’s of age. I wouldn’t before. Wanted her to finish high school, and she has been away these last few months, working and I have seen nothing of her.
LEMAR.
What type of work?
WINTER.
Clerical, of some sort. Her letters have been very short, but she seems to be doing well. She will be back shortly, to see you home.
LEMAR.
Good. Well since we’re both willing, what do you say we put a proposal to Alex together, when she gets here? Let her choose which one she wants, and the other just bows out, graceful-like.
WINTER.
An excellent plan.
[Winter picks up the knife.]
I know we will never again be on the same intimate terms we were, those dark nights so many years ago, but I wanted to say…I am proud of you. Proud of how you have grown up, how you chose to handle this, man-to-man. Boys your age would still be all blood and thunder, or slinking dogs. It takes a man to confront another man, civilly, as you have done. And I thank you for your understanding, about what happened.
[Lemar grins.]
LEMAR.
You’re never going to apologize for sticking it in her, are you?
WINTER.
Of course not.
[Enter Alexandra.]
[Winter and Lemar both stand.]
ALEXANDRA.
Lemar! Winter! You’re both here…
WINTER.
Yes my dear, we have been catching up…and discussing our relationship.
[Alexandra moves to speak, but Lemar shushes her.]
LEMAR.
Don’t talk just yet, Alex. Just listen for a bit. I know you and Winter have had your thing while I was away. That hurt me, I don’t mind telling you that, but I understand. I missed you both terribly as well. But now that I’m back, we need to settle this among ourselves. Winter and I, we talked it out. Thing is we both love you, and we’re both willing to marry you. So what we’re asking now is for you to choose between us—and there won’t be no shame or dishonor on you to pick one or the other.
ALEXANDRA.
Are you…still friends?
WINTER.
I do not know if two men can ever truly be friends again, after such a breach. But we are at least friendly rivals for your affections, and we share the camaraderie of men who have both travelled the same territory, so to speak.
ALEXANDRA.
I thank you both, but I cannot accept either of your proposals. I came today to see Lemar again, to welcome him home, but also to tell you both…I’m pregnant.
[Winter lets the knife drop from his hand.]
I missed you both while I was away, and there was a boy at the place that I worked…and we became intimate. He is the father.
LEMAR.
Well, speaking for myself I was willing to accept you furrowed and plowed. My offer still stands, pregnant or not.
WINTER.
The young man speaks well! I of course will also stand by my proposal. Choose between us, my dear.
ALEXANDRA.
You are both too good to me, but I have already received an offer from the baby’s father, and I have accepted it. I just came here today to give you this.
[Alexandra takes off her engagement ring, and presses it into Lemar’s hand, then kisses him. Then she draws away.]
And this.
[Alexandra goes up on her toes to kiss Winter.]
Goodbye.
[Exeunt Alexandra]
LEMAR.
That hurt like hell.
WINTER.
I do not know that she will ever know how deeply she has wounded us both.
LEMAR.
It is kinda…freeing, though. I guess I felt like my future was tied to marrying her for the last two years. Like a prisoner in his cell, setting feet outside again.
WINTER.
That is love.
LEMAR.
That it might be. But there’s nothing holding me here now. Goodbye Winter.
[Exuent Lemar]
WINTER.
Goodbye.
[Winter stoops to pick up the fallen knife, and lays it back on the table, between the two plates.]
CURTAIN.
[The end.]

Friday, September 2, 2011

The Wrong Porn


The Wrong Porn
by
Bobby Derie

Dramatis Personae
Sam (a customer)
Queen (the shop clerk)
Jess (another customer)

Scene
[The curtain rises on a sex shop.]

[Queen is at the counter, bored. Jess is browsing the wares.]

[Enter Sam, with package.]

QUEEN.
It’ll never fit, darling. Your eyes are bigger than your bottom.

JESS.
I…it’s not for me.

QUEEN.
It never is, is it?

SAM.
Excuse me, but I was in here yesterday to pick up something from my box and…well, it’s not what I wanted.

QUEEN.
Pornography is the art of raising hopes and dashing expectations. We risk disappointment every time. What’s the problem?

SAM.
Well I had ordered…something else, and I got this instead. I don’t want this, I want what I ordered.

QUEEN.
How do you know you don’t want it? Have you tried it?

SAM.
No, I haven’t tried it! Look, there’s a girl missing a leg on the cover, a clown, and a midget!

QUEEN.
We don’t judge darling, we just sell.

JESS.
Midgets? As in, persons of smaller than average size?

SAM.
Little people, yes.

JESS.
Like dwarves?

SAM.
Exactly so. Look, I’m in the middle of something here.

JESS.
Can I take a look at that while you two are talking?

SAM.
Alright, fine. Here. Where were we?

QUEEN.
You hadn’t tried it. So you don’t know if you like it.

JESS.
This isn’t even labeled in English, it’s Russian or Elvish or something.

SAM.
I know just looking at it that I don’t like it!

QUEEN.
If you haven’t tried it then you can’t possibly know you’ll like it or not. We never quite know what we like until we try something new. I can rent you a booth in the back to try it out.

JESS.
It has donkeys in it.

SAM.
Look, I don’t want to try it. I don’t want this. I want what I ordered.

JESS.
I think its part of a series.

QUEEN.
What did you order?

[Sam mumbles under her breath.]

QUEEN.
I’m sorry darling, I didn’t catch that. Can you speak up?

[Sam leans over and whispers in Queen’s ear]

[Exit Jess.]

QUEEN.
Oh my. The one with the…?

[Queen makes a gesture toward her chest. Sam nods.]

QUEEN.
Well, we’re not really supposed to, but if you’re really not pleased with it I can do a return. Do you have the receipt?

SAM.
Yes. Thank you. Here you are.

QUEEN.
I’m sorry, but this isn’t the correct receipt.

SAM.
What? But it’s the receipt I got yesterday when I picked this up.

QUEEN.
I know, I can read the date on it, but look, the name doesn’t match.

SAM.
This is the name of what I’d actually ordered.

QUEEN.
So you did pick it up yesterday?

SAM.
No! I picked this up instead. I thought it was it. The clerk must have rung it up wrong.

QUEEN.
Well, that happens. You should really check these things before you leave. Look, I can’t refund your money without a receipt, but I can run an exchange.

SAM.
Thank you. Really. It should still be in my box.

[Sam checks the box. Enter Jess, flustered.]

JESS.
Do you have any more of this?

QUEEN.
I’ll check in the back, dear.

[Exit Queen.]

SAM.
My box is empty!

JESS.
Well, you’ve come to the right place then. Dildos are on the west wall, and there are booths in the back if the need is immediate.

SAM.
Arsefuck. This is impossible. I just want to fucking get off. It shouldn’t be this hard.

JESS.
You must be looking for something very special.

SAM.
It’s…well, it’s nothing too kinky, you know. But I like what I like, and it can be hard to find stuff. I didn’t want to order it over the internet or anything, have it delivered to the house, pay with a credit card with my name on it to one of those sites. And I got so excited waiting for it to come in…I’ve spent the last couple of weeks rubbing my legs together at the thought of it.

JESS.
Go on.

SAM.
Ew, no. Are you a pervert or something?

JESS.
Something like, yes. Although it’s not like you can really judge me now, is it? I mean, we’re both here for the same reason. It’s not even like you wandered in thinking this was a lingerie shop or something. There were no honest mistakes here. When you get right down to it, we’re after the same thing.

SAM.
No. I know what I want. I’m not…browsing and touching things just to look at them. I’ve seen you in here, before. I only come here for the one thing, and I even managed to screw that up. I think this is the longest conversation I’ve ever had at a porn store.

JESS.
I know, right? How many times have you walked in and out of here, people milling about, and nobody’s looking anyone else in the eye? Everyone giving each other the space to do their thing in private. I’ve seen a lot of people like you, who aren’t here to browse, who feel guilty if they sit and linger instead of getting their sex goods in a business-like fashion. In and out. I don’t hold with that. I think there’s pleasure to be had in every step of the experience, and like anything sensual, is worth taking your time over. And I don’t like to be judged.

SAM.
I don’t…I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you.

JESS.
Don’t worry about it. I think I’m going to buy this thing if the clerk ever gets back.

QUEEN.
Hello then my darlings, good news and bad news. There’s no more of that series in the back, but I found the item you were looking for earlier in the mail pile.

SAM.
Oh wonderful.

JESS.
Damn.

QUEEN.
Now, if you’ll just give me the one you got yesterday, I’ll change it out.

SAM.
Right, I gave it to…hey now, where is it?

JESS.
Oh. Yes, I must have left in the booth.

SAM.
You dirty…you didn’t. You were only gone a minute!

QUEEN.
Oh dear. Did you take it out of the packaging?

JESS.
Yes?

QUEEN.
We might have a problem then. I cannot accept a return if the product has already been opened. It’s the owner’s property.

SAM.
Oh come on! He’s the one that did it!

JESS.
Look, I feel bad about this. Let me pay you for it, and then you can buy your thing.

SAM.
Alright.

JESS.
Except I don’t have any cash on me, just my card. [To Queen] So can I pay you for it, and you give her the refund for it?

QUEEN.
I suppose. I’ll need to scan the first item again though.

SAM.
I’ll get it.
[Exit SAM.]

[Jeff hands card to Queen.]

[Enter Sam, hands package to Queen.]

[Queen counts out money on the counter, hands packages to both Jess and Sam.]

QUEEN.
There you are darlings. I hope to see you both again.

[Exeunt Jess and Sam.]

QUEEN.
Two more satisfied customers

[Enter Jess.]

JESS.
Er, I don’t quite know how to say this but…you’ve given me the wrong porn.

[CURTAIN.]
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